Dear Volunteer,

I know that I have already told you that I have left to pursue a better life, but the bells of my return are ringing.

Yes, I am back for but a season, but I am back just the same. I may leave again soon, but maybe I will plan to leave once again in the future.

I am in the process of writing a horrid book named Horseradish, but that is not all of the news I choose to leave with you all. I have not a wish or a will to write much more, I am tired of it now (I love you, Beatrice, still), but maybe I will do so again.

Heed this ringing!

Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid

Life is a turbulent journey, fraught with confusion, heartbreak, and inconvenience. Unfortunately, this book will not help.

Instead, this book of wit and wisdom offers a selection of alarming but inescapable truths from the work of Lemony Snicket, along with selections from his unpublished papers and remarks he has made at dinner parties and anarchist riots.

I am not sorry that most of this make absolutely no sense, but it is what I desire to communicate to you, my dear Volunteers. Forget not your former part in V.F.D when it was a noble organization, but most of all, never forget that sometimes it seems that in this world there is more evil than good, but evil will never prevail.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Dear Volunteer,

I strongly warn you not to read my most recent book, "The Beatrice Letters." It is only for readers deeply interested in the Baudelaire case. I how truly pity those readers.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

P.S.: I have been touring the United States of America with my kind editor, Brett Helquist. Please do not read any futher, and if you hear that we are coming in to an area near the place where you currnetly reside, a phrase which her means, "where you live," do not hesitate to take up your family and run far, far away. Please take my advice, and leave your computer right now before it's too late.